Becoming Me

Once upon a time, there was a girl who grew up in an uberconservative Christian home. A home where things like jewelry, makeup, and pants were not allowed. A home where church was almost everyday…they had a prayer room. A home where her parents bought everything she could have ever needed or wanted, just to keep her home.

Growing up as the youngest child was somewhat lonely. Her parents had just started going back to school, traveling, and living their life. The most she saw them was when they were forced to go to church. She was left to be raised by her older sister, who was almost an adult herself. For the most part, she felt…forgotten.

There were things that she didn’t experience growing up. Being from an Apostolic family, there was no going to basketball or football games. No hanging out with friends and definitely no dating. She didn’t have a mother who was interested in talking about men or relationships. The first man her mother dated was her father, and they are still married. Her sister’s experience with men taught her that they are disposable. She could honestly say that she’s never learned how to have healthy relationships.

Becoming an adult, she wasn’t interested in having a shitload of sexual relationships. She didn’t know shit about dating or men. She just wanted attention and love…two things that she didn’t have much of when growing up. The circles she traveled in… The path she traveled resulted in a failed marriage, two beautiful children, and a heart that is just as lost as she was as a child. This is my sugarcoated life.